I realized that, between you and a world forever out of reach, there is a strange and empty tunnel. I don’t know anyone else who knows that road. You’re standing alone at the entrance to the tunnel because you know something I can’t even put a name on, something deeper and more ruthless than I can ever understand. I realize that I can never get closer to that world. I can only long for it, because it is hidden by a light and warmth that I cannot bear. I have been able neither to believe in it nor to renounce it. Yesterday I realized I had made a fatal mistake. If I were to lose you, it would be the unforgivable end of me, because I know nothing about that unnameable world. Since you are part of it, you mean the world to me. That can never change. Please don’t repudiate me. Let me see you and I’ll do anything for you. Kick me, spit at me and I’ll return again and again for you to kick and spit at. Because you are right, you are ruthlessly right.


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